John - 2/10/2010, 11:40 PM - Curse News
The Evil Alliance of Sports Curses, most known for the SI, Madden and Chunky Curses, announced today that it is reviewing the addition of a new sports curse: the Curse of the Crappy Fans.
The interest in a new sports curse comes on the heels of the pathetic showing of Indianapolis Colts fans when their team returned home from their defeat in the Super Bowl to the New Orleans Saints. According to the Indianapolis Star, a total of 11 -- eleven, ya know, like ten adults and probably a kid in a stroller -- showed up at the airport to the greet the Colts and thank them for their role in the most watched Super Bowl in history.
Two of the fans weren't even serious fans according to Star reporter Kevin O'Neal. "There were these two, drunk, very inebriated, Purdue students who were just there to dick with Peyton Manning. They just stood there screaming and slurring and spitting out the words 'Cut that meat!'"
Worse, overnight ratings showed that folks Indianapolis were actually beat by fans in many non-involved cities. DC viewers beat Indy fans by two whole Nielsen points.
Said the Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, the most evil curse not tied to crappy fans, "There's a basis for a fan-driven curse. Look at the Curse of the Goat in baseball."
The Madden Cover Curse added, "We're not a picky bunch. There aren't a lot of clubs that include a goat."
Why support for the Colts is so anemic remains a mystery.
Said sports commentator Chris Berman, "Because Peyton Manning is a dildo with ears. It's not a mystery. Oh, and the Colts are a team built for the regular season, not the post-season."
We attempted to contact Colts fans for a response. But, all 11 of them had scattered after the airport thing and could not be found.
The process for the Curse of the Crappy Fans becoming a full-fledged evil curse will take into the next season.
Said the Chunky Curse, "We'll probably want to see how things work out with the collective bargaining agreement. We're still thinking about adding a Curse of Goodell and the Greedy Owners should the CBA fall through. That would be a super vicious curse, since it would wipe out the whole league in one shot."
After hearing the CBA possibilities, many non-Colts fans started pushing for the Curse of the Crappy Fans in the hope it would somehow avert a lockout.
"Look," said Chunky, "you're not gonna avert a lockout by over-stuffing us with curses. But, I do hear there's a Roger Goodell sex tape floating around the internet."
Cursetographer Steve Tasker told ChunkySoupCurse.com that he has seen the Goodell sex tape.
"It's not a tape," said Tasker. "It's a series of stills taken from the old Goatse image, with Roger Goodell's face poorly Photoshopped onto them. They're put together as a bad Flash animation, not a real sex tape."
Tasker added, "It's not very well done or very tasteful. Kinda like that time I got food poisoning at an Arby's in Tampa."