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Has the Curse resurfaced with Victor Cruz?

John - 12/9/2012, 10:07 PM - News

After a long layover fighting to get through customs, the Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, a substance so lethal it was never used to make cola during the late 1800s, appears to have once again re-emerged.

It's new victim? New York Giants wide receiver Victor Cruz. Complete with his mom.

That's right, the Curse is returning to its roots: the moms.

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Crazy British people rename Big Ben

John - 6/1/2012, 11:24 PM - Curse News

The United Kingdom today angered Pittsburgh Steelers fans everywhere by unilaterally renaming quarterback Ben Roethlisberger in honor of Queen Elizabeth II.

The Steelers Nation tweeted their outrage with the hashtag #7notaqueen.

The British Honorary Consulate in Pittsburgh was the scene of several flare-ups of street violence.

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Curse denies any involvement in Roethlisberger incidents

John - 4/14/2010, 1:23 PM - Curse News

The Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, the most vile thing outside of Ben Roethlisberger's bachelor pad, issued the following press release today in regards to the Steelers quarterback's recent legal run-ins and moral failures:

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Will Colts face the Curse of the Crappy Fans?

John - 2/10/2010, 11:40 PM - Curse News

The Evil Alliance of Sports Curses, most known for the SI, Madden and Chunky Curses, announced today that it is reviewing the addition of a new sports curse: the Curse of the Crappy Fans.

The interest in a new sports curse comes on the heels of the pathetic showing of Indianapolis Colts fans when their team returned home from their defeat in the Super Bowl to the New Orleans Saints. According to the Indianapolis Star, a total of 11 -- eleven, ya know, like ten adults and probably a kid in a stroller -- showed up at the airport to the greet the Colts and thank them for their role in the most watched Super Bowl in history.

Two of the fans weren't even serious fans according to Star reporter Kevin O'Neal. "There were these two, drunk, very inebriated, Purdue students who were just there to dick with Peyton Manning. They just stood there screaming and slurring and spitting out the words 'Cut that meat!'"

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Vilma, the last soup in the bowl

John - 2/7/2010, 12:14 AM - Curse News

As Super Bowl Eve comes to a close, the Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, a fluid so nasty that federal water safety standards limit it to one part per million picoliters (picolitres outside the US), has one last stake in the big game: Jonathan Vilma.

Cursetographers are divided over Vilma's likelihood of being attacked on the national stage. Many say his period of endorsement -- one very busy season when there were seven endorsers -- should limit his exposure to the Curse.

Others point to the example of Brian Urlacher, who time as an endorser was limited to a single lunch in 2004 when he told a friend not spoil the soup by putting crackers in it. Such a limit endorsement role did nothing to prevent the Curse from attacking repeatedly over much of the last decade.

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Has the soup destroyed Tomlinson's brain

John - 1/18/2010, 11:57 PM - Curse News

The Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, an entity more evil than a common house cat left unsupervised, presents the follow video:

Curse watchers were stunned by the video.

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